I had a nightmare last night. Someone was holding a dog, while another person held a gun, point blank up to the dog’s chest. In my dream I closed my eyes tightly, and covered my ears-and thank God I woke up before… I apologize for the brutality of my nightmare-it left me feeling shaken and nauseous to say the least.
I know where this nightmare came from.
Yesterday I wrote a post about a friend and the terrible loss she is facing. After I published the post it weighed heavily on my mind. I was afraid of how my friend would react if she happened to see it (which I doubt, but still.) This morning I asked my husband for his opinion and his advice was what I already had given myself-remove it.
I try to be honest in my writing. I am finding that honesty is what makes good writing. It’s easy to put lovely phrases and impressive words down on paper, but are they honest words? And if they are honest words, are they hurtful words?
I realize that not everything I write has to end up as a blog post-even if it makes an interesting blog post. I’m not ready to put the feelings of those I care about on the line. So for now I think I’ll stick to lighter fare.
And continuing in my quest for realism-I decided to take a picture of myself to post here so that all of you will know who you are dealing with. My blog friend Kim over at The Child posted her lovely photo, and that inspired me to do likewise.
Plus…it provides me with a story to tell…
REFLECTIONS
When I entered the house, it should have been my idea of heaven. Room after room of antique furniture, vintage dishes, old jewelry and clothes…everything right there for the taking.
The cost? One Grandmother.
The funeral was over and as I recall, a light rain was starting to fall. I still remember my Grandma’s casket-a beautiful burgundy color decorated with delicate flowers.
Back at her house, we started to divvy up a lifetime’s accumulation of stuff. I chose a blender-still in the box, a mega pack of toilet paper (my husband and I were newlyweds-living on a pretty small income) , a desk…and a mirror.
My Grandma had several mirrors in her home-but the one I chose had been hanging in her dining room for decades. I figured that during that time, every one of my relatives had looked at themselves in it. It represented all of us.
That’s the mirror I used for my self portrait. I think my Grandma would be happy.
Really?
In all honesty, I think my Grandma would say “Why don’t you stop playing around with that camera and go make something of yourself!”
My Grandma was a very honest woman.
Image sourced from the net.
It's hard to know what to post. If I'm talking about a friend in depth, I ask permission (same goes for photos). If it's just a passing mention (like last Thursday when I mentioned my friend Ginger sent me an article) then I don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteEven tougher is knowing how much of the self to reveal. I have one post I never could bring myself to publish. It's still sitting in draft format, where I guess it'll stay.
I understand why you removed the post, though I did enjoy its story. It showed us a little of your friend's journey in life, and the way our pets can tug at our hearts. I thought it captured something very special :)
ReplyDeleteLove the mirror story, too. It's like it's a portrait of your entire family, captured in memory and imagination. If only it could talk, the dining room stories it would tell!
I agree Lisa-it's so hard to know. Sometimes I am uncomfortable with the amount of info people share-literally with the whole world. I guess I'm pretty private, and tend to feel that where myself (and others) are concerned less is more:)
ReplyDeleteJoanne-I'm glad you like the mirror story-and I've had that same thought-that if only it could talk it would have some good stories to tell indeed! I am also thankful for my friend's sake that Mother Nature did things in her own way early this morning and the sweet pup is at peace now:)
Thank you both!
You are lovely, Valerie! :-) And I loved the little vignette about your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on the privacy thing - there are some very personal things that I've shared on my blog, and some I have not. I guess it depends on if I am in need of comfort and support. Does that make sense? The blogging community has been such a tremendous amount of strength for me that I don't mind sharing some personal things when I feel the need, though there are some things that will always remain private.
If it helps, I thought the previous post was touching, and kind.
ReplyDeleteBut I also appreciate the fine line between sharing and revealing.
Your grandmother sounds like a heck of a lady!
And also? I have a little something for you in my latest post.
Thanks-both of you. I would be at such a loss without all of my blog friends-I look forward every day to catching up with all of you. I love that because of our blogs we have formed this connection-and it is something I treasure.
ReplyDeleteHugs, and lots and lots of chocolate:)
xx
I ADORE this story about your grandma. You could make this one into something much longer, if you ever wanted to.
ReplyDeleteHi Valerie,
ReplyDeleteIt so nice to SEE you! What a wonderful story of the mirror.
Sorry about your friend's loss and sorry you had such a terrible nightmare.
Kimberly