Lately I feel like my life has hit a point that resembles the Bermuda Triangle. I usually feel melancholy this time of year, anyway, because summer is rapidly drawing to a close. But this year it’s different.
With my dad’s recent bad patch, and my upcoming birthday (I despise birthdays) and Amy entering the 10th grade, I feel like the grains of sand that define my life are just slipping away.
I guess everyone gets to this place at some point-the place where you stop and take stock. And ask those tough questions like, “Am I happy?” or “Is this where I thought I would see myself now-and if not, where do I want to be?”
It’s hard for me to face up to the fact that my official role of “mom” is drawing to a close. I know I still have 3 years before Amy graduates, and after that there are the college years, but still.
I also realize that nothing, nor anyone, lasts forever. I have lots of old pictures of my ancestors that prove that.
But I wonder, who will I be someday when I don’t have Amy at home? When my parents are gone? When I an old woman?
I received this bit of advice recently, from a friend whose kids are grown, after I asked her how she dealt with her own Bermuda Triangle.
Live in the moment. Don’t squander the here and now, mourning over what will be.
Like Kona does.
I never thought I would be envious of a dog, but I am. Because Kona lives that advice every day. (Even though she doesn’t have a clue that she is doing it!)
And now I need to go pack. Amy and I are going on little trip tomorrow to spend some time with my parents. We will be back on Sunday. Hugs to all of you, and I look forward to catching up when we get back:)
Photos by my darling Amy.
Sometimes, reflection is a good thing. As mothers, I think we tend to define ourself solely in that role when we are also so much more: friend, wife, sister, daughter, seamstress, writer, etc. But being a mom is perhaps the most important one of those roles, thus your angst as your daughter grows and matures and becomes more independent (I am going through the same thing, as you know!). But you will always be her mom. Your relationship will change in different ways, but you will still be close, still share, still be there for each other. Life is about change and we must trust God in it all.
ReplyDeleteHugs, dear one!
You are right Melissa. And I have to remember that I will always be Amy's mom. Even when situations change, that fact will remain. That is very comforting (but it still hurts too, doesn't it!) :)
ReplyDeleteHugs to you too, my friend!
Sometimes it's hard to take what comes and roll with it. But it's not healthy to brood over it either. I hope you can find your mental comfy spot soon. :-)
ReplyDeleteLove the pics! And have a wonderful visit!
Thanks Lisa-brooding is not healthy. I need to find a way to get past this point. Maybe lots of chocolate? :) Appreciate your comments:)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your trip with your daughter. I loved what you said about your dog. They do live in the present:~)
ReplyDeleteOn the hand, when you do end up looking ahead, know that you will find your new place.
It's always scary to think of big life changes as they approach. It's like looking at a huge thunderstorm barreling its way to you, full of tall, dark black clouds of uncertainty.
However, once it arrives, you will deal with it and sometimes discover it wasn't the monster you thought it was. Be patient with yourself:~)
And look how HAPPY Kona looks.
ReplyDeleteLIVE THE MOMENT!! (And include lots of Coconut Shrimp!) :O)
Dogs sure do have life nailed down to a science, don't they? I think we all go through those "what's next?" funks in life...if only we could all be as carefree as dogs are.
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip to visit your parents!
OH Valerie, I think about this all the time even though my motherhood journey has just begun. I always wonder about people who are itching to get their kids out of the house. Shaune and I are constantly scheming of ways we are going to convince our boys to live at home when they go to university. Hugs to you during this questioning time. I hate birthdays too.
ReplyDeleteI keep this word on my desk for this very reason: Joy. I try to find it every day.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Enjoy your trip.
Thanks to all of you:) xx I get so much good advice and support from all of your wonderful comments:)
ReplyDeleteI was interested to read this post because my youngest grandchild started kindergarten two weeks ago. He has been so much a part of Dave's and my life, ever since he was born. We are VERY attached to him. I took care of him for 18 months and Dave helped out. We babysat for him a lot when his mother ran errands. Then we spent so much time with all three grandchildren this summer that I feel weepy when I pass our complex swimming pool...
ReplyDeleteI have to say that the passage of time bring us joys when we reach a goal, but its sorrows when we realize the changes and losses. It is important to enjoy each moment and to find purpose in each day--no matter how small. You already have all those skills inside of you...