Saturday, March 23, 2013

Hourglass

 

This thief I can’t see. 

Stealing moments, looting memory, until I can’t remember.

I want to fight back, start a rebellion.

But time is relentless, robbing me blind. 

Devastating my life.

Like rain on a parade.

 

The Trifextra challenge: This weekend, we are revisiting a prompt we've done before. We are giving you three words and asking that you add another 33 to them to make a complete 36-word response. You may use the words in any order you choose.
Our three words are:
remember
rain
rebellion
Now you give us yours.

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I came up with two responses this week, and I couldn't decide which one to post.  This is my “tongue in cheek” version:

 

Inclement Weather

The rebellion was going well, as I recall. No shortage of clashing swords, guttural screams. But then the rain came. Spirits sagged, and besides. All those umbrellas blocked my view. I really can’t remember who won.

24 comments:

  1. They're both wonderful. I kind of like the second one I think. The umbrellas part intrigues me :-)

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  2. Lisa, I posted the second one first, and then I changed my mind, and posted the first one second. Then I let Amy read them and she voted for the second one! Now I have vertigo;)

    I was hoping the umbrellas would add some intrigue!

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  3. Both of your submissions are great! Love how poignant and intense the first one is — and I love the voice you've used in the second one. I am also intrigued by the umbrellas. Well done!

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    1. Suzanne, thanks so much for saying that! I really could not decide between the two of them because they were so different from each other! I feel a little bit like Jekyll and Hyde:)

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  4. the first one is my inner battle also . . . Oil of Old Lady helps.

    the umbrellas? great!

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    1. That's so funny barbara! Just the other day I was contemplating buying a bottle of that myself;) Thanks for reading!

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  5. I liked them both, but the sly humor in the second one is more "you" to me. If that makes sense?

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    1. Cam, you know me so well-and that flatters the heck out of me!! Thanks for reading them both!

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  6. I really liked them both! The first one is my favorite. Time is the ultimate thief.

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    1. Thanks Deana! The first one sums up how I feel about the passage of time, and how my daughter is growing up way too fast-and that makes me a little sad:) I'm so glad you stopped by!

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  7. Valerie - the 1st one for me, sorry did I say that already? :-)

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  8. Thanks Rambly! I appreciate you reading them!!

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  9. The first one is so sad and makes the heart ache. I'm glad for the balm of the second, lighter piece. They're both brilliant.

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    1. Thanks Draug! Your comment itself is a gem-seeing the second piece as a balm for the sadness of the first. I love that!

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  10. Nice balance of the two. Oil of Old Lady lol I don't think it helps, either!
    Time is a thief, which is why a bit of a chuckle is appreciated!

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    1. Thank you kymm! I'm finding that the older I get laughter becomes essential to my survival!

      I'm so glad you stopped by:)

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  11. I enjoyed the second for its lightness and humor, but the first hit home with a thoughtful message.

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  12. I agree, the second one is delightful and I imagined that someone was watching a reenactment or a real life RP that they have now, making the umbrella line genius. And the first one rang the devastation bell of Alzheimers or dementia quite poignantly.

    Both are great!

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  13. They are both good, just very different.

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  14. Love both but the first one would be my choice,it has a fascinating feel to it & I could immediately relate to it:-)The second one has a light-hearted feel to it with the umbrellas b locking one from reality & one can immediately see the narrator among so many in the crowd ,holding umbrellas,trying to crane their necks & rising on their toes,trying to find out who won,lol! Excellent pieces:-)

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  15. I like them both! I am always impressed at how you can create stories like this from your prompts. Great job :)

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  16. Love them both Valerie! Your writing reminds me so much of poetry and I adore a great poem!

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  17. I like the first one Val. A sense of helplessness creeps in. Brilliantly worded !

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  18. the time thief, stealing memories, raining on life's parade - who wouldn't want to rebel? wonderfully done

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