Friday, October 12, 2012

One Tough Coconut


Happy Friday, dear readers!  I’m reposting this story today in hopes of adding a little laughter to your day.  Enjoy!  And have a great weekend!


He knew Muriel Davenport was guilty.  The  evidence against her was overwhelming-but all circumstantial, unfortunately.    What Detective Martin Whitfield Dunmore was after was a full confession.

He had used everything on her, trying to get her to crack.  The bright lights in her face.  The trick questions. Even a little of the “rough stuff.”  But Muriel would not crack.  She was one tough coconut.

Detective Dunmore was tired.  He wanted to go home.  He could practically taste the dry martini he planned to make for himself.   “All right Mrs. Davenport.   You leave me no choice.  Sergeant Graff, go get the book of elephant jokes.”

Muriel let out a terrified gasp.  This was a turn of events she hadn’t anticipated.  “No!   Please no.  Not elephant jokes!”

Dunmore smiled, and with a feeling of renewed optimism, told the first one.

Why are elephants wrinkled?
The are too difficult to iron.

Muriel felt a fit of giggles coming on.  She bit down hard on her lip.  She was going to be strong.

Why is an elephant big and gray?
If it were small and white it would be an aspirin tablet.

Unable to control herself, Muriel started to laugh.

What’s the difference between a piece of paper and an elephant? 
You can’t make an airplane out of an elephant.

Detective Dunmore showed no mercy.

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance? 
“Look!  A herd of elephants in the distance.”

What is the difference between a herd of elephants and a plum?
An elephant is gray.

What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? 
“Look!  A herd of plums in the distance.”  (Jane is colorblind.)

“Stop!”   Muriel screamed.  Her sides ached from so much laughing.  Her temples throbbed.

“So are you ready to talk now Mrs. D.?   I know you iced your husband.  Where’d you hide the body?  Make things easy on yourself and come clean.”

Muriel took a good hard look down the road into her future, and knew that life behind bars was not on her bucket list.  She planned to be a free woman, in more ways than one, for a long, long time.

“I didn’t do it!”  Muriel shot back at the tired detective.  I DID NOT DO IT!   She would break him down.

Putting his head in his hands, the vision of his dry martini fading -Detective Martin Whitfield Dunmore started to cry very quietly, but he continued-with the longest and fiercest volley yet.

How do you put an elephant in the ice box? 
Open the door and put him in.

How do you put a giraffe in the ice box? 
Open the door and take  the elephant out, and put the giraffe in.

The lion decided to have a party.  He invited every animal in the jungle, but one didn’t come.  Which one? 
The giraffe.  It was stuck in the ice box.

Two explorers try to cross a crocodile infested stream.  How do they get across?
Simple.  They wade across.  All of the crocodiles are at the lion’s party.

But Muriel would not crack.  She was one tough coconut.


The assignment?
Write a piece of flash fiction with these requirements:  a character MUST tell a joke and a character MUST cry. One character can do both.


  1. Great job you made me laugh out loud. Thank you I truly needed that. B

  2. Oh Buttons-I'm so glad you liked it!! I have to give my daughter credit for suggesting I use elephant jokes for this story. I'd never even heard of elephant jokes and once I discovered them I think I laughed until I cried!

    Have a wonderful weekend!! :)

  3. I confess! I confess!

    Don't know what I'm confessing to but nooooo mooooore!

    Tee hee!

  4. Jacqueline-I confessed too:)

    Happy Friday!

  5. Haha, so funny! I would have cracked, for sure.

  6. Our Neck of the Woods-Me too! They still crack me up, even after hearing them over and over:)

  7. Oh I remember this one. Such a fun piece! :-) I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  8. Just brilliant, Valerie--and you had me from the first paragraph where you compared her to a coconut! :-D

  9. Lisa-thanks for reading this a second time! I'm really in the mood to write something new-hopefully next week! I hope you have a wonderful weekend too!

    Thanks Dawn! Until I write some new fiction, I thought I'd repost some of my old stuff. The jokes in this one still make me laugh-I guess I don't make a very tough coconut:)

  10. hahahahaha...stop, stop!
    I'll tell you anything you want to know.

    Thanks for my chuckle for the day.

    Kimberly :D

  11. Kimberly-Thanks for the chuckle your comment gave me!

  12. Giggle.

    I forgot how entertaining elephant jokes were...

  13. Cam-I agree! The ones here still make me laugh every time I read them-especially poor colorblind Jane:)