Monday, April 8, 2013

Mistaken Identity

If she didn’t, in the next five minutes, choose a cardigan, find her keys and lock the four sturdy deadbolts on her front door, miss Marian Jewel  would never arrive at the restaurant by six, and tardiness was not in keeping with her character. It might be argued that on such a warm evening a cardigan was unnecessary. It might also be argued that the locks on her door were excessive.  But by all outward appearances, Marian preferred to err on the side of caution.

Considering her outfit-slim brown skirt and white blouse-she decided to wear her tan sweater.  Such a sensible color. Penny loafers and hair neatly tied back from her face, with just the tiniest bit of Vaseline, dabbed on her lips, and Marian was ready to meet her friends.

Once hellos and hugs had been exchanged, Marian took her seat at the table, ordered a glass of milk, and waited for the inevitable barrage of advice.  She was, after all, the only one among them who still hadn’t accessorized herself with a man.  Less plaid and more leg. Fitted sweaters and black eyeliner, perhaps.  And  lipstick. Definitely some nice red lipstick.   They were only offering their two cents for her own good, they soothed.

At eight, Marian looked at her watch and noted the lateness of the hour. Bidding everyone good night, she walked back to her apartment, her cardigan sweater slung over one shoulder.

Marian was careful as she lifted the sizeable box down from her bedroom closet shelf and carried it over to her bed.  Setting the lid aside, she felt a familiar alchemy come over her as she gazed at the contents nestled within the walls of brown cardboard. One piece black suit that fit like a second skin.  Black duffle bag.  Grappling hook. The slim gold tube of Germaine Monteil.

Her friends were right about one thing, Marian conceded, as she roared into the night on her black Vespa. 

Red lipstick suited her.

 

 

For this week's Trifecta challenge: I wrote this story almost a year ago, but I was never completely satisfied with it.  I dusted it off today, and with a little editing alchemy transformed it into a most suitable submission.

ALCHEMY (noun)

1: a medieval chemical science and speculative philosophy aiming to achieve the transmutation of the base metals into gold, the discovery of a universal cure for disease, and the discovery of a means of indefinitely prolonging life

2: a power or process of transforming something common into something special

3: an inexplicable or mysterious transmuting

Please remember:

  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • If you know your post does not meet the requirements of the challenge, please leave your link in the comments section, not in the linkz.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

62 comments:

  1. How fun that you reworked this piece! You've been writing a lot of creative pieces lately. I think you must be back! :-)

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  2. Thanks Lisa! I thought if I wrote like crazy, I'd actually get better at it and it would get easier!

    I still owe you a convo-we have a lot of catching up to do:)

    Hugs!!

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  3. You totally rocked it on making Marian come to life. The details were just rightly dosed out. Nothing was excessive and left ample room for adding our own touch to her look as the readers. I really enjoyed this and kept playing the guessing game as to how she would transform (because of the theme it was hinted that some change would occur).

    Fun piece and a great intro towards a book!

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    1. Marie, thank you so much! What a wonderful comment!!

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  4. Oh Valerie! I can't recall what I said regarding your prize to me. I think I said Tuesday. I shan't say when I am going to do such and such because I forget or something comes up. Just know that some time this week I will show them off on a post and mention you to high heaven as the sweetest-heart EVEH!!!

    Your writing skills are so great. Novel? When will we see your Novel? You are writing one, correct/right? You are such a fun blog buddy and great friend!!!!

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    1. Oh Renae, you are such a sweetheart yourself! Any time, my dear-I'd be honored any time:) Knowing you, and reading your blog, is such an honor and a pleasure:)

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  5. Oh my gah. I loved this. You painted Marian in such a lovely light, it was really wonderful to see her true colors. You tied it all in so well. Loved it!

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    1. Thank you so much Megan! I wanted to create a fun character-someone I wish I was like, too;) Sadly, I'd probably wreck the Vespa!

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    1. Sandra, thank you!! This was a fun piece for me to write!

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  7. What a cute take on the prompt Valerie-you kept the reader guessing till the end & I just adored the way Marian turned out to be so unlike her "day" self,lol!Loved this!

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    1. Atreyee, Thank you so much!! I was hoping the ending would be a fun surprise! :)

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  8. Beautiful detail...could imagine her perfectly. And love the transformation!

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    1. Thank you so much Maggie! I'm so thrilled you liked this!

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  9. Little things like that can make all the difference. Nicely written.

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  10. Very nicely written! I enjoyed all the detail - I could vividly picture the main character and her transformation at the end!

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    1. Thank you crinkly! I'm so glad you liked it! It was fun to write, giving Marian Jewel her secret life:)

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  11. Sadly, tardiness is in keeping with my character. But since I don't think red lipstick suits me, perhaps it's just as well.
    A fun story.

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    1. Thanks Tempest! I'm not bad on the tardiness front, but red lipstick probably makes me look more like a clown than a chic thief in a cat suit;) Maybe, perhaps, if my name was Marian Jewel...

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  12. You have a very subtle, timeless touch to your style, exemplified by attention to detail. I was all the more impressed to read you'd been getting the best of this piece for a while, bringing it back for more. Well done!

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    1. Pirate-I love your comment! Subtle and timeless is exactly what I'm after! Thank you!!

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  13. The backstory was also indeed true to the prompt. Vividly described, delicious ending. An enjoyable read - thank you Valerie.

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    1. Thanks Rambly! I'm so happy you liked this!

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  14. Oooh, love! The description of sensible Marian didn't prepare me for the "other" Marian. Good job!

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    1. Renee, thank you so much! I was hoping the other Marian would come as a complete surprise!

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  15. I love double-life stories! (: This is great.

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  16. Is it too much to hope there's a deep-voiced hunk dressed as a bat, waiting for her down the road? I love the secret life hidden in such a plain package.

    Thanks for linking up!

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    1. Lisa-definitely! And just possibly, he may have even been a quietly efficient bus boy at the restaurant, too, with his own box on a shelf...

      Thank you so much for your comment!

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  17. This. Was. Awesome. I hope she's some badass dominatrix lady. Not sure what she'd do with a grappling hook in such a situation but I mean... whatever. Great job :)

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    1. Thanks Maggie! And what an interesting thought to ponder too;) Thank you so much for reading!!

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  18. Woah, I'm totally surprised! Didn't expect the other Marian to come out. You did a great job setting it up for a surprise at the end. Love it!

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    1. Tammy, thank you!! I'm envious of the other Marian, but in reality I'm comfortably much more like the first Marian:)

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  19. Ta-dah! I finally did it. You are so fun to blog with. You always make my day (each day).

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    1. Renae, When I saw your post I was so excited!! I'd like to return the favor some day! And you, dear friend,always make my day too:) xx

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  20. I love the surprise ending, and red lipstick. Great piece.

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  21. Fan. Tas. Tic.
    I love her character. Love her public face and her not-so-public face.
    And that ending line.
    Wow.

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    1. Kelly, you are so kind! Thank you so much!!

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  22. I loved the ending...I feared she'd just home and that would be that. I shouldn't have known better. I also thought this line was spectacular: "She was, after all, the only one among them who still hadn’t accessorized herself with a man."

    I'm also impressed you made this word count. I have tried to write for Trifecta, but almost never make the word count. Well done:~)

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    1. Sara-thank you! I struggled with word count on this one. My original piece was close to 100 words over the limit, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that paring away those 100 words seemed to make this piece stronger! I'll be over at your blog asap! :)

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  23. Nice writing! I love the tranquil language through the piece, and then the twist at the end... so well done!

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  24. Thank you steph! I'm glad you liked this!

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  25. Brilliant metamorphosis. Do Vespas roar? I might have chosen a Harley!

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    1. viv-yes, definitely a Harley! Great idea! My grandma loved them too. Something classic from the 20's or 30's perhaps...

      Glad you stopped by!

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  26. Soulds like she has the best of both her worlds! Great post.

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  27. I loved, loved how ordered her world was, how categorized. And I agree with the others that the tiny details, the Vaseline and the milk, really bring this to life. Wonderful as always!

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    1. Thanks Jennifer! I tried hard to convey the differences in the two sides of Marian:)

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  28. You could continue this. I'd love to know more about thi double life. (RogRites)

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    1. That's a great suggestion-and it would be fun to write! Thanks for stopping by!

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  29. This is too good. What a fun read.

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